To set the scene.
Things seemed to be going along ok with your ‘project’ – and your project could be personal, business, an idea - anything - but now you find there seems to be something which is stopping progress.
Indeed maybe the project never seems to start, or it has slowed or stopped or just drifted – and the reason seems out of sight, you cannot quite put your finger on it.
So you ask yourself, ‘if there is a block, what is it?’
Great question to ask in this situation and I would be curious to see what pops into your head if you ask it.
What if, in this example, the ‘answer’ came back, ‘The block is you’ – oh, ok, great thanks, really helpful, glad I asked!
So how do you get ‘you’ out of the way of your own project?
Well it is an interesting conundrum, and one which you may relate to.
And there may be no real feeling which goes with your I'm blocked-ness, perhaps an emptiness or emotionless sense of something. It could be something more definable and familiar e.g. “If only I just got on with it, stop worrying about ‘x’ or what people might think of me if I did ‘y’, then it would be fine” Or, “Why do I always sabotage myself this way”.
Well one blunt solution is just to start; it could be doing something small and manageable – 'picking the low hanging fruit’ - or just ‘grab the bull by the horns’ and just do it!
Which feels safer if you can do this ‘project’ in private and see what comes with a chance to reflect on it before it sees the light of day; however the block could be about ‘going public’ – so picking the bull by the horns might look and sound and feel like a bull in a china shop.
(I wonder if I could add any more clichés and metaphors in there?)
Well, even if it does feel blundering bull-like, at least you are moving again; might not be pretty, but hey! And if an initial ‘how to start’ was the hurdle, you can refine the process once you are moving, or if fear of doing the ‘thing’ was the blocking fear – at least you have confronted the fear and done it anyway.
But that it is a bit of blunt approach – it also feels a bit like diving into the freezing cold deep end, and who wants to do that?
But it may work.
There is also the chance of giving yourself the opportunity to really beat yourself up if it doesn’t - and beating ourselves up is a truly addictive pastime for us humans.
Idiot!
To test whether the 'bull' approach is working - having started - is see how you feel. Have you now lost yourself in the activity? Does it feel like a relief? Even if a scary one – if yes, then great. If not then maybe just give yourself permission to stop, deliberately pause, and reflect on what it could be ‘about you’ that is the block.
Which is dangerous territory given our predeliction for a certain additive pastime.
I recently read a book called ‘The Guardians of Being’ by Eckart Tolle (with artwork by Patrick McDonnell). One of life’s great little reads which says so much with only a few words.
(note to self must put on my booklist - http://www.benchmarkcoaching.co.uk/reading.php ).
'The Guardians of Being’ are animals, he writes of them:
“It’s so wonderful to watch an animal, because it has no opinion about itself - It is.”
What he writes of the human mind is:
“Just as a dog loves to chew on bones, the human mind loves its problems.”
In Don Miguel Ruiz’s book ‘The Mastery of Love’ he talks about the ‘wounded mind’:
“We create an entire population in our mind, including multiple personalities for ourselves. Then we master the image we are going to use in certain circumstances. We become artists of pretending and projecting our images, and we master whatever we believe we are. When we meet other people we classify them right away, and assign a role in our lives. We create an image for others, according to what we believe they are. And we do the same thing with everyone and everything around us”.
Which does seem to be a rather overcomplicated way of going about life! The shorthand version in ‘Guardians of Being’ is:
“The human says, ‘I love myself’ or ‘I hate myself’.
The dogs says ‘woof, woof’, which, translated, means – I am myself”.
‘I am myself’ – now that seems to be a much simpler approach to life. So - and I know I'm making a leap here and returning to a theme I have written about before - but how about using this as means to nudge the block out of the way.
I am myself - I am ok, you're ok, we are ok - Indeed I am ‘creative, resourceful and whole - and safe’.
So, if I am ok and I am creative resourceful and whole...what is the next best thing to do with the project thingy I was on about?
Two Guardians of Being
Best wishes
Mike Payne
Ps and now for a competition! All you have to do is email me (or send carrier pigeon etc) saying which ‘Fortnightly Stuff’ you particularly liked and why – in 6 words or more, or indeed draw a picture explaining why. Past editions of 'Stuff' are at: http://www.benchmarkcoaching.co.uk/suppliers.php
Closing date is 2nd August at which point I’ll put all replies in a hat and the one I pull out will be sent a free copy of ‘Guardians of Being’.
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